Moms know how to

make it hurt.  This is a cathartic post for me.  I may delete it.  But for now, I just have to write.  You do not have to continue reading.

When you are a daughter that doesn’t suit your Mom it’s a tough row to hoe.  We spent over 3 hours of travel time today.  My husband didn’t even make it through my Mom’s door and I was saying, “Get back in the car, we’re going home.”  He didn’t budge.

I’m not the daughter my Mom expected.  Actually, she didn’t really expect me at all.  My brother nearly died when he was ten.  I was the ‘back-up’.  He didn’t die.  I wasn’t needed, nor was I wanted.

Until my husband, I did not know I hadn’t been loved.  I only knew what I was shown, taught, and was told was the truth.  Imagine my surprise, my embarrassment, my outrage…

I am the person I am because of my life experiences.  I am a good daughter.  A caring person.  Someone with a full heart of love.

I don’t have children because I can’t.  My husband and in-laws knew this before I married.  There would be no carrying on the family name with me as the wife.  I could mourn the fact.  I could be bitter.  Or, I could learn to accept it and move forward.

I’m NOT the daughter my Mom wants me to be.  I can’t meet her expectations.  Her life is full of “heartache and sorrow”.

I love my Mom.  I hate my Mom.  I feel sorry for my Mom.

I am tired.  Weary.  Betrayed and beaten.

It feels AMAZING to be home.  Here I am loved, accepted and even encouraged.  I need a good night’s sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day…

Prayers.  Peace.  Grace.

Piecefully, Pam

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Moms know how to

  1. Pingback: Making our own « Piecefully

  2. I am sorry your relationship with your mom is…lacking. I can relate in some ways. But you are blessed, because you NOW know what love is, and you have it in your life, in the form of your husband. Feel sad for her–briefly–and then move on. You have to.

    blessings.

  3. Barb

    God bless you. And, he has blessed you with a loving husband, who can wrap his arms around you, and keep you safe and happy. You can’t erase the past, but you can look toward your bright future with love.
    I wish you peace. {big hug}

  4. My prayers are with you. My mother died when I was 17 and to my father I felt I was just an also ran besides my brother. However, we can’t change others we can only change ourselves. Maybe, just maybe, if your Mom wasn’t the way she was then you wouldn’t realise just how wonderfully you are loved by your husband. Sometimes we need contrasts in life – black to enjoy white; cold to appreciate hot etc.

    Your work is lovely; Kaffe fabrics are joyful; prayers do get answered.
    Love Munaiba

  5. Jean Burke

    Sometimes our real familes are not biological. There’s a reason you and Scott found each other…..karma, fate, God, an angel? Who knows – but you deserve the love that you have for each other. Enjoy. Cherish. All else is secondary….piece.

  6. You’ve expressed exactly how I feel about my mother. We drove about 8 hours to visit during Easter and I was ready to turn around and return home within the first few minutes of arriving. You are a good person and I’m so glad you have the support of your husband.

  7. Margy

    This is the first time I have visited your site, I came across it through Quiltsalot. I can understand your perspective when it comes to a mother. Unfortunately mine involves more the in-laws rather than my mother who passed away 3 years ago. At the moment I am mourning my father-in-laws passing. Having been married to his son for 32 years, I feel I should be allowed some form of grieving, but I constantly feel as though I am in the way. I was only 13 when my own father died and back then, I was not told of what to expect. My husband who I love dearly says it is my perception of what is being said; do I constantly read between the lines? Having spent the weekend with your mother – at least its out of the way for a while – I hope you can now enjoy your own life and love with your husband. That aside, I have enjoyed browsing your site and you are now in my list of favourites, which I hope to visit regularly. Thank you for giving me the time to air my troubled thoughts.

  8. Please don’t let your mom or anyone else steal your JOY.
    Sounds like you have a happy home life, enjoy it and forget the rest.
    Best wishes to you and I am happy I found your blog this morning.

  9. I hope you feel better with a new day, life can be tough and it can be cruel and a lot of us have burdens so we know we are never alone. It was very brave of you to write this and I hope for the best for you with a big hug all the way from me.

  10. You are in my prayers too Pam. You have an amazing attitude in a very difficult and hurtful situation, one you have had to live with for many years. Thank you for sharing, it can help others to know we don’t have the perfect family life. So often we have to put on a face and pretend. How wonderful that your husband has been able to show you what it is to be truly loved. xo

  11. It sounds like this brings you so much pain. I am glad that you are back in a safe place where you feel loved, but I know it still hurts. I wish I could do something to help you, but all I could do was stop and pray for you and your family. Yes: prayers, peace , grace.

  12. Tomorrow is a New Day filled with the Colour in your World and every body knows Kaffe Colour makes you happy. 🙂
    Cheers
    Lynne

  13. You are who you are with a loving Husband and like you say accepted and encouraged. You are entitled to be who you are and make you own way in life and be happy. Everybody makes their own imprint on life.
    Your Mother needs to get over it and move on. Seems to me she is stuck in a time zone. The only person who can help her is herself!
    You are in charge of your own happiness. Do not let someone offload on to you all the time. Nobody has that right. I think that it is sad that your Mother is the way she is but that is her choice!

    Take Care and stop beating yourself up.
    Cheers
    Lynne

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