make it hurt. This is a cathartic post for me. I may delete it. But for now, I just have to write. You do not have to continue reading.
When you are a daughter that doesn’t suit your Mom it’s a tough row to hoe. We spent over 3 hours of travel time today. My husband didn’t even make it through my Mom’s door and I was saying, “Get back in the car, we’re going home.” He didn’t budge.
I’m not the daughter my Mom expected. Actually, she didn’t really expect me at all. My brother nearly died when he was ten. I was the ‘back-up’. He didn’t die. I wasn’t needed, nor was I wanted.
Until my husband, I did not know I hadn’t been loved. I only knew what I was shown, taught, and was told was the truth. Imagine my surprise, my embarrassment, my outrage…
I am the person I am because of my life experiences. I am a good daughter. A caring person. Someone with a full heart of love.
I don’t have children because I can’t. My husband and in-laws knew this before I married. There would be no carrying on the family name with me as the wife. I could mourn the fact. I could be bitter. Or, I could learn to accept it and move forward.
I’m NOT the daughter my Mom wants me to be. I can’t meet her expectations. Her life is full of “heartache and sorrow”.
I love my Mom. I hate my Mom. I feel sorry for my Mom.
I am tired. Weary. Betrayed and beaten.
It feels AMAZING to be home. Here I am loved, accepted and even encouraged. I need a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow is a new day…
Prayers. Peace. Grace.